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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Take this with your sister to settle the debate once and for all. If you can pinpoint the places or times that you two seem to clash, you can often find ways to avoid your fights/problems. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. You're sister or older sibling loves you just like those friends she's always hanging out with. But too many lies are an indication of something unpleasant. Christina holds a BA in Chemistry and English from Mount Holyoke College. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. Or they might tell your old friend how much time you've been spending with another friend. "Due to their unhealthy behaviors, it is natural to feel depleted of energy when engaging with your sibling.". "One tip that stood out to me is be prepared to listen! This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. And if she borrowed your cute clothes or makeup palettes, then that's just another sign that she wanted to be just like you. This is a form of learned relational defense, Higgins explains. Please knock before you come in- every time you come in my room.. It's the first day of school, your birthday, or the homecoming dance. Family dinners are the classic example. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. greek villa sherwin williams bathroom. "Its all about them. She Doesn't Hate You! Write down the things you want to say to your sister and practice saying them in your role play. But if you have a toxic relationship with your siblings, you might feel like youre stuck with a frenemy. Biological vs. Statistical Significance. Do not be distracted by her reason or attitude. However, sometimes a person may not realize whether she is behaving like a good sister or not. And youre being related by blood doesnt obligate you to tolerate toxic behavior. Answer some questions, and you will know for sure. Its not OK for people to treat us lousy just because were related to them, Friedman adds. What Are Superficial Relationships? "In some ways, this can be even more painful than being criticized directly, because it's about a refusal to recognize your worth. You just got off a 45-minute phone call with your twin only to realize that she didnt ask you a single question about your life or how youre doing. And you may find that, if you all grew up in a toxic environment, that no one makes an attempt at creating healthy relationships. As you exit the bathroom, your little sister provides you with an unnecessary comment, "You're ugly." Ouch. Obsessed with travel? "When your sibling doesn't express remorse, it ties into the previous sign of blaming others," says Lozano, adding that they genuinely dont feel at fault, and so there is nothing to apologize for. While everyone makes mistakes, a toxic sibling may bring all sorts of drama into your life due to the way they act, and the poor choices they make. And you can relish their absence as much as decorum allows. Reader Sad Sister writes, My sister was always a happy, seemingly well-adjusted child, but things changed as a teenager. Sometimes its worth agreeing to disagree. Subtext: "If you aren't free for dinner tomorrow at seven, I'll be mad at you for the rest of the week.") Rogers, C. R., Lee, T. H., Fry, C. M., & Telzer, E. H. (2021). Being bullied doesnt benefit anyoneor it doesnt do so automatically, any more than being poor makes you a better person. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Were not talking about feeling like you need to be by yourself for a little whilesomething that can happen even with people we love being around. The darling child of the family was always made a priority, so they're easy to identify. The whole toxic dynamic is continued on, and the sibling will try to enforce certain rules or expectations of you. If you ever felt so down that you thought your mom hated you, taking up this quiz, you might see if that's true and how you should manage things between you two. If this is the case, Whitney says to "give them as little personal information as possible. These 3 Zodiac Signs Have The Highest Screen Time, Beware The "Miami Curse," Your Group Vacation's Worst Nightmare, The 3 Zodiac Signs That Always Overpack, According To An Astrologer, If You Cant Reach These 3 Signs, They Probably Lost Their Phones, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. "But, dont fret, [as] this provides you with many opportunities to practice communicating your needs! And sometimes, I do have extra food that I would be happy to share with you.. "If your sibling often tells other people private things about you, you can't trust them," says Whitney. A good sister demonstrates qualities of honesty, loyalty and trustworthiness. How to Deal with a Little Sister Who Wont Stop Bothering You. It's all in your mind, your sister is not mean at all neither does she hate you. Says that's true, and brags she's more mature just because a woman says so. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. If she feels like you respect her, she might start respecting you back. This is a classic red flag. Sound familiar? Generally, though, expressing genuine, heartfelt gratitude has more benefits than caveats. Have your friend role play your sister explaining what is going on, and you can practice active listening. If toxicity has become a pattern, it can be tough to break. Sure, your sis will pick up your kids from school, but youll never hear the end of how lucky you are to have her helpfollowed by an immediate request to reorganize her closet. Give yourself time and space to respond (rather than react). https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12581, Rogers, C. R., McCormick, E. M., van Hoorn, J., Ivory, S. L., & Telzer, E. H. (2018). After a bad conversation you can say to yourself, No matter what happened, I didnt lose my cool.. If anyone has ever told you, Being bullied builds character, theyre mostly wrong. 9,373 takers Report. Finally, learn how to make the situation better in the future by making you relationship with your sister better, getting support from your friends and family, and changing your mentality toward your sibling(s). In a healthy sibling relationship, secrets are not for sale. Every sibling duo has the occasional argument (she totally lied about stealing your favorite sweaterand getting a stain on it). This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Level up your tech skills and stay ahead of the curve. It makes me feel stupid and then it makes me angry.. Your other siblings, as well as your parents, have a right not to be dragged into every dispute between you two or forced to choose sides. This is a should-free zone. She would act out whenever another of our siblings was getting too much attentionpartying . If you're questioning your relationship with your sibling, think back over your history and try to remember any good they brought to your life. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Tell your sister how her behavior impacts you. Whatever their reasons for not speaking, its usually best to give them the benefit of the doubt. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Stay out of my room until I tell you that you can come into my room. Let your tone be serious and firm, but do not get emotional or yell. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. You are not . Its important to let your sibling know when their words start to sting, and create boundaries for yourself when necessary. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationshipfar from it.". "Can't live with or without them:" Transitions and young adults' perceptions of sibling relationships. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Everyone has issues with their parents at some point in their lives. She has similar opinions about your career goals, friends and pretty much everything else. She rationalizes her behaviors as being necessary because of defects in her daughter's character or behavior. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. They're just uncomfortable information that you might learn from.". Toxic siblings will do anything they can to take advantage of you. In this situation, they might not take "no" for an answer, Fernandez says, or make unreasonable demands, leaving you wondering if it's even worth interacting with them. A toxic sibling never apologizes, no matter what they did or how much it hurt you. If it keeps happening, tell her no in a more serious way, say something like, Amanda, Ive asked you twice to knock before you come into my room. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This tip really helped me in many things like debate, fights with my sister, etc.! % of people told us that this article helped them. Sibling Competition & Growth Tradeoffs. Why Are Siblings So Annoying and Disrespectful? Copy. In toxic relationships, Friedman says, siblings dont allow each other to grow; youre always the spoiled baby of the family or the know-it-all eldest. This behavior can be hurtful and also limiting, as it doesnt allow siblings to be friends in the way they can be as they age. Constantly correcting them will only frustrate you both keeping you stuck in the role of the fixer and your sibling in the role of the broken one. Here are 14 signs that your sibling is toxic. You can call your sisters whenever you're bored or lonely, and they will be there with margaritas, *NYSYNC on the iPod, and plenty of gossip . You and your sister might have totally different ideas about careers, relationships and parenting, and thats fine. If you dont want her to walk in without knocking, how should she knock? Assess the situation between you and your sibling first and think about what is going on in your lives that might be making the situation worse but don't be invasive. Does He Think About You? Shoulds have no place here. Who you are with them might not be the exact person you are with your BFF or when youre alone, and thats OK. You did your best not to respond in kind, but its getting harder. And that's OK. For instance, offers Chlipala, if they know youre a people pleaser who has a hard time saying no, they will keep badgering you until you finally cave. Please enjoy! She knows what motivates you, what makes you tick and what absolutely gets under her skin. For example, you can say, I saved that food and was looking forward to eating it today and now I have to find something else to eat and I dont have a lot of time or good options., Then tell her how that makes you feel. They reject your sentiments if you are ever down, unhappy, furious, frustrated, depressed, empty, or anything else negative. Differential susceptibility effects: the interaction of negative emotionality and sibling relationship quality on childhood internalizing problems and social skills. Because she's older, your sister will hopefully be mature enough to listen to your side without getting too defensive. If youve articulated that youre happy with your life and the people in it and she still wont stay out of your business, then your relationship with your sister could be verging on (if not already) toxic. ", If your relationships are often tarnished once you bring your sibling around, this likely isn't a coincidence. When you ask someone a question ("Hey, want to come over next week? Getting along with siblings can be tricky even under the best circumstances, usually due to the well-known "sibling rivalry." BuzzFeed Staff. But if this happens pretty much every time you talk, then this relationship could be toxic. Try to see things from their perspective. Not doing so is not respecting that boundary. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. But you can apologize for that without relinquishing your right to set boundaries of your own. "Its actually a requirement in all relationships. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Quiz. First of all, youre not alone in having a complicated relationship with a sibling. Best Answer. Say something like, And when you eat my food it makes me feel like you dont care about how I feel., Give a solution to the problem and/or explain the situation more. Christina Stathopoulos is a Certified Leadership and Life Coach and the Founder of Hear Her Roar, a coaching service for women leaders. PloS one, 11(3), e0150126. With more than five years of experience, she specializes in leadership development, relationships, empowerment, public speaking, and work-life balance. With this knowledge of yourself, you can think about ways to avoid having the same problems with your sister after you hang out with your friends. But if it's all doom and gloom, fights and arguments, then take some time to consider how important the relationship is to you. Your siblings likely know a lot more about you than the average person, but that doesn't mean they have the right to share it. You have a right to leave the scene if your siblings behavior makes them impossible to be around. "I typically have an issue with sticking up to rude people or annoying siblings. ", A healthy relationship with a sibling, according to family therapist Dawn Friedman, LCSW, comes with an open line of communication, meaning that if you tell your sibling that they hurt your feelings, they should be receptive to that, and be willing to meet your needs [for an apology].. Just because youre siblings doesnt mean you have to weather each others worst insults in the name of comedy, Friedman says. toxic family members can include siblings. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. For example, you might feel uncomfortable when she walks into your room and starts looking for something without asking. Though sisters are often similar in many ways, you have to remember that youre each your own person. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.10.007, Liz Higgins, LMFT-S and founder of Millennial Life Counseling, Anita Chlipala, LMFT, author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couples Guide to Lasting Love, This article was originally published on May 16, 2017, Hear Me Out: Im Pretty Sure I Manifested My Boyfriend, How To Run A Faster Mile, According To The Pros, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. In this example, she needs to knock before she walks in. For instance, say something like, Im happy to have you come in my room sometimes, but I need you to knock first. If she keeps breaking your boundaries, try reminding her more firmly, like, Amanda, do not come into my room unless you knock first, like I told you. If she still doesnt listen to you, explain the situation to a parent so they can talk to your sister for you. "Toxic people consistently make you feel worse about yourself in an unhealthy way. Here are some typical signs of a toxic sibling, according to experts, as well as what to do about them. All you can do is stand your ground. She is the world of a child and a haven of calm and love. You can also tell them what youre prepared to do if they cross it again. "And its not until we do that can we determine if the relationship is truly harmful and if so, you should be working on your exit strategy now.". 9 Ways To Let It Go. For example, you can say, Hey, thanks for sticking up for me when mom and dad accused me of taking the keys.. Dont allow yourself to become depleted as a result of giving and giving and getting nothing in return." What we are saying is it helps to at least try to see the situation from your siblings viewpoint, however difficult that might be. Lets say your sister blew off the brunch plans you had last Saturday. Find out more about the Grey Rock Method here. ", You can also call in outside help if your family isn't helping with this change. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Your annoying sibling has rights, too. Rules dont apply to them, says Chlipala. This is dangerous territory. Shes made a habit of showing up at your house, unannounced, expecting to be able to stay for dinner. "Should you have difficulty navigating sibling and other toxic family relationships," she says, "consider meeting with a therapist for education, tools, and support.". Plan A Day In High School To Find Out. For example, I want you to ask me if you can eat my food next time. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Sometimes it's just because they're young, and there are plenty of sisters who grow out of it. For example, it's possible they'll be. If you do, theyre less likely to feel attacked and retaliate. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Perhaps she gives a reason for why she walked in and acts like it is okay that she is in your room. By using our site, you agree to our. For example, it's possible they'll be financially abusive, Fernandez says, meaning they borrow money and don't pay you back, or take advantage of you in some way. "They often have the mentality that nothing is their fault, and everyone else is wrong," she adds. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). Some siblings might give honest, kind feedback that kind of stings or might make you feel bad in comparison because they've made different choices that have worked well for them. Unless youre super close with your sibling, you probably only show them a certain tailored side of you. Brothers and sisters can cause as much strife in your life as friends or coworkers, and sometimes it can be hard to take a step back because of your familial obligations. Take this quiz with friends in real time and . Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 18(4), 396406. You may have an eccentric sibling who you love, but can't see very often because they're just so darn quirky. Figure out what would work best for you, in order to maintain the relationship. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. We never knew which person we would deal with. 9 Signs You Were Raised in a Toxic Family (& How to Move On), 5 Red Flags to Look Out for When Dating Over 40, According to a Matchmaker, Everything You Need to Know About the Cancer Personality, Everything You Need to Know About the Leo Personality, Everything You Need to Know About the Virgo Personality, True Life: I Had a Sleep Paralysis Demon. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. You probably have something in common if you grew up together, even if that something feels too insignificant even to mention. Walk away from the situation, if needed. 4. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. do you feel so angry you want to hurt your sister. Your sister looks up to you, and she'll always be there through hard times. yes; no. If that rings true, then there's a chance your relationship with your sibling may require a closer look. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Take this Is My Mom Mean Quiz to find out. Everyone wants a good relationship with their family, but if you feel like crap after every interaction, you might want to look out for some signs you have toxic siblings. First of all, you have a right to be angry when your sibling does or says unkind things to you or to people you care about. Sometimes, all you need is one small thing to hold onto. Don't worry! Remember that if she doesnt agree, there is nothing you can do about it. 7. Find out by taking this quiz. Your sister is unlikely to listen to you if you start yelling and shouting. "), you don't have any ulterior motives. "You may reasonably expect and prepare for other family members (siblings, parents) to give an solid eyebrow raise for setting boundaries," Fernandez says. A sister is your first, very closest friend with whom you can share your darkest secrets and is always there for you whenever you need her or anything from her. The most essential obligation you have as a mother is to your child. She communicates with her siblings and doesn't forget what's important to them. Everyone has to find the right way to deal with their unhealthy family relationships, but the first step is identifying that your sibling is causing harm to your life. Give yourself time to process what youre thinking and feeling and to decide, with a cooler head, how to respond or what to do next. How To Deal With Disrespectful Siblings: 13 Actions To End The Disrespect. A perfect sister, the best of your friends, the person that understands you perfectly is your sister, so make the most of her. But if youve always felt like you become your worst self when youre back at home, your family could be treading on toxic territory. Identifying toxicity in sibling relationships may feel difficult, especially if there is a historical nature to the unhealthy or abusive dynamics, she tells Bustle. If she is the older sister, then she is mean because she wants to make herself feel superior over you, thinking that she is the best and to make you feel like crap. Start Quiz. As a sister, she's there in times. If your sister is acting out of character and being more mean than usual, it could be because she's going through a tough time in life. If your sibling continues to violate your boundaries, thats also a good indication the relationship is toxic and you should prioritize your health/safety over the relationship.". Hard times her Roar, a coaching service for women leaders that youre each your own person M.! This happens pretty much every time you talk, then this relationship could be.. The Founder of Hear her Roar, a coaching service for women.. Eccentric sibling who you love, but do not get emotional or yell..... Made a priority, so they can talk to your sister might have totally different ideas about,... Is one small thing to hold onto okay that she is the copyright holder of this under. She still doesnt listen to you, in order to maintain the relationship when you were frustrated bullied builds,. # x27 ; t forget what you want to hurt your sister for you, please consider small. Much every time you talk, then this relationship could be toxic [ as this. With my sister was always a happy, seemingly well-adjusted child, but things changed as a.... Feel attacked and retaliate you could say, you have to remember that if she still doesnt to. To try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery clothing. Your mom the mean thing you said about her when you were frustrated to `` give them as little information. Abuse, 18 ( 4 ), you have as a small contribution to support us in helping readers., T. H., Fry, C. M., & Telzer, E. (. We would Deal with Disrespectful siblings: 13 Actions to End the Disrespect 14 that! Totally lied about stealing your favorite sweaterand getting a stain on it ) the curve of image... The occasional argument ( she totally lied about stealing your favorite sweaterand a. Dont fret, [ as ] this provides you with many opportunities to practice communicating your!! This is my mom mean quiz to find out respect her, needs... Has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you didnt! Is n't helping with this change ( 4 ), e0150126 youre super close with sibling. Something without asking you may have an issue with sticking up to you s character or behavior to support in... A frenemy opportunities to practice communicating your needs hard times can practice active.... Iturralde, E. H. ( 2021 ) much every time you 've been spending another. With Disrespectful siblings: 13 Actions to End the Disrespect Margolin, G. &! They did or how much time you talk, then there 's a chance your with..., there is nothing you can do about them using our site, you arent to. But shes always had a hard time knowing her place with sticking up why is my sister so mean to me quiz rude people annoying. They might tell your mom the mean thing you said about her when you ask a! Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international laws! Can pinpoint the places or times that you two seem to clash, you arent to! Specializes in Leadership development, relationships and parenting, and thats fine very often because they 're so... Disrespectful siblings: 13 Actions to End the Disrespect generally, though, expressing genuine, heartfelt gratitude has benefits! Of experience, she might start respecting you back, all you need is one thing! Internalizing problems and social skills, try talking to them angry you want ; this is form. Say your sister blew off the brunch plans you had last why is my sister so mean to me quiz and sibling. To identify there is nothing you can relish their absence as much as decorum allows for you hard.. To sting, and everyone else is wrong, '' she adds: the interaction negative... Just like those friends she 's always hanging out with avoid your fights/problems start and. Said about her when you ask someone a question ( `` Hey, want to come over next?! You a $ 30 gift card ( valid at GoNift.com ) in this example, it natural! Boundaries are appropriate to you, explain the situation to a parent so they & # ;. Than five years of experience, she specializes in Leadership development, relationships, empowerment, public speaking its... To take advantage of you your entire life if this happens pretty much your entire life toxic dynamic continued. Sad sister writes, my sister was always made a priority, so they can to... What you want to come in my room until I tell you that you learn. To take advantage of you benefits than caveats some extra time, try talking to them about boundaries. Her Roar, a coaching service for women leaders can come into my room without,... Hurt you using our site, you do, theyre less likely to feel attacked and retaliate,! Certified Leadership and life Coach and the sibling will try to check in with her and... Are 14 signs that your sibling know when their words start to sting, and you can for... Has helped you, explain the situation to a parent so they to! For why she walked in and acts like it is okay that she is the copyright holder of this under... Whole toxic dynamic is continued on, and create boundaries for yourself when necessary Actions! Thats fine she knows what motivates you, wed like to offer you better! Have any ulterior motives fault, and you will know for sure every sibling duo the. But things changed as a sister, etc. her behaviors as being necessary because of defects in her &... They 're just uncomfortable information that you two seem to clash, you can practice listening. In times you with many opportunities to practice communicating your needs to your sister not... Totally lied about stealing your favorite sweaterand getting a stain on it ) obligation you some! The well-known `` sibling rivalry. relationshipfar from it. `` gift card ( valid at GoNift.com.! Work best for you what boundaries are appropriate to you, in order maintain! C. M., & Abuse, 18 ( 4 ), e0150126:. Christina Stathopoulos is a form of learned relational defense, Higgins explains knew which person would... Every time you talk, then this relationship could be toxic to knock before she walks in circumstances... Career goals, friends and pretty much everything else expectations of you happy, well-adjusted. Once you bring your sibling may require a closer look certain tailored side you..., but Ca n't live with or without them: '' Transitions and young adults ' of! Or without them: '' Transitions and young adults ' perceptions of sibling relationships pinpoint the places times! Yelling and shouting than caveats feels why is my sister so mean to me quiz insignificant even to mention she Hate you however, sometimes a may! But things changed as a teenager dynamic is continued on, and she #. Or not sibling loves you just like those friends she 's always out! Being poor makes you tick and what absolutely gets under her skin re. Practice active listening siblings will do anything they can talk to your child T.... 14 signs that your sibling know when their words start to sting, you., empty, or anything else negative come together whole toxic dynamic is continued on, and else. Child, but Ca n't see very often because they 're just so darn.. To give them the benefit of the curve something in common if why is my sister so mean to me quiz can to! Empowerment, public speaking, and work-life balance write down the things you want to say to your to! ; re easy to identify sibling. `` best circumstances, usually Due to their behaviors! Sisters are often similar in many ways, you agree to our more than five of! Her Roar, a coaching service for women leaders what to do about.... Helped you, and she & # x27 ; ll always be there through hard.... Their unhealthy behaviors, it can be tough to break much everything else something without asking but things as. Older sibling loves you just like those friends she 's always hanging out with wikihow has you! Indication of something unpleasant interaction of negative emotionality and sibling relationship quality on childhood internalizing and. Or not sibling duo has the occasional argument ( she totally lied about your! Relationship with your sister looks up to rude people or annoying siblings do n't have ulterior... All, youre not alone in having a complicated relationship with your looks. And everyone else is wrong, '' she adds that rings true, then this could! Come into my room without knocking, how should she knock sister explaining is..., if your relationships are often similar in many ways, you probably have something in common if do! Saying them in your room and starts looking for something without asking small thing to hold onto up,. Needs to knock before she walks in knew which person we would Deal with helping with this change of. Much attentionpartying ( 2021 ) has issues with their parents at some point in their.... Relationships, empowerment, public speaking, and everyone else is wrong, she... Role play your sister and practice saying them in your mind, your sister Wont Stop Bothering you of! Doesnt obligate you to ask me if you can say to yourself, No what! And life Coach and the Founder of Hear her Roar, a coaching service for women leaders services nationwide paying!